ga papalah ibu2 ngegosipin artis dari pada demo di jalanan bawa anaknya panas2.

akun2 penggosip gini kalo berbentuk blog dulu pernah ada yang asyik banget. namanya kalo nggak salah whodoyouthinkheare. Tapi udah off lamaaaaa banget. Cara nulisnya cukup standar nggak bikin pusing yang baca. eh tapi pake basa enggris sih jadi berasa baca perez hilton . dan dia banyakan nyorot soal fashion. sungguh blog nyinyir yang tasty.

Spoiler for salah satunya:
Are you there, Fashion God? It's me, Venna...

It's been a while since we last communicated. How are you, Fashion God? Me? I've never been prettier. For today I am dressed to the nines paying a tribute to my idol, Jennifer Lopez Noa Judd Almost-Affleck Anthony. Don't I look like a dead ringer for Jenny on MTV VMA in this green ensemble? Some people sneezed, "TIMUN!!" or "ESMERALDA!!" when I passed by them, but I know they did it because they're ignorant. Obviously they don't know that Vogue has declared avocado-green as the color du jour. Oh my dear fashion god, what does du jour mean?

Do you like my Fendi bag, Fashion God? It's a genuine Fendi. I stopped buying fake designer bags because I don't want you to get angry with me again. Like that time I toted a knock-off Louis Vuitton Monogram Papillon bag to Alfamart Bintaro to buy Ajinomoto and you unleashed your fury at me when you saw it by making my long awaited Salsa-Pop debut album entitled "Venna... The Other Side Of Me" bomb. I felt so scared and humiliated. I don't want you to hate me again, Fashion God. I had to starve myself and my family for 11 weeks to get this Fendi bag, but it was so worth it. I got the bag and dropped 6 kilos. Yaay! Look at my body. Isn't it delicious? Yeah, I know it is. Who cares that my kids are going to suffer from malnutrition?! They're too fat anyway. What's important is I look fierce! FIERCE!

Oh, and how about these lovely hotpants, Fashion God? I knew there's a reason why they call it 'hot' pants, because anyone who wears them will look hot, just like me here. Don't they compliment my bodacious body perfectly? I decorated my bare middle section with a precious trinket. It's giving me nasty and painful marks, but beauty has a price, right? I know women go green with envy everytime they look at me, and not because of the fact that I am dressed in a shade of cabbage, but because I look hot! H-O-T HOT!

I got this wig at Rimo, Bintaro Plaza. It's called "Keriting Basah Malvin Shayna", a part of Scarlet's "Artis Bomseks Indonesia 90an" collection. And for maximum effect, I'm combining it with Dame Edna's gardening hat I got on E-bay. What do you think, Fashion God? Genius, right?

People always say I'm weird or I dress like a lunatic. But I know that's the risk I must take. Ever since I heard voices in my head saying, "You're fabulous, Venna. Help them..." or, "Venna, you're the savior of style", I know that it's your voice, telling me to start a crusade against fashion ignorance. As an acclaimed multitalented celebrity and former Putri Indonesia, I will use my power to lead the way and spread the message of fabulousness. I will do my best to raise fashion awareness amongst my fellow Indonesian. It's a long and arduous road, but I believe I can do it. And someday, I hope to be remembered as The Mother Teresa of Fashion.

Anyway, I gotta go now, Fashion God. It's time to hit the buffet. I haven't eaten anything in 2 days. That's the main reason I go to this party: to eat. Oh sorry, I mean to raise fashion awareness amongst my fellow Indonesian, yes. And to eat. With all the time I spent dressing and accesorizing, who has time to cook, anyway? Damn, that Kambing Guling looks delicious. I hope it'll fit into my bag.


Posted by Neng Sarah


Spoiler for or this one:
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Nia, The Netkeeper


Dear Nia Ramadhani,

You know that you're a hot chick, right? You have a great smile, gorgeous face, and a knockout body. That's why it pains me to see you going out with losers like that Justin Timberlake's catastrophic clone, Ressa Herlambang. It also disturbs me to see you go out in public looking like this...



You see, whenever I think of a spandex tube top in electric colors, I see an image of Eva Arnaz as Bimbo #2 in any Warkop DKI film with her armpit hair poking out. I know you're probably still a zygote when those movies came out, but trust me, Nia... It's not a good look. If you don't believe me, go ask your momma.

Oh and the matching plastic belt. It's HHHHUGE!!!! I know big belts are in, but definitely not in plastic. Or in yellow. If Superman saw you wearing this belt, he'd go, "***** STOLE MY LOOK!!". It's so big and distracting, I almost forgot to condemn you for wearing that ugly piece of clothing. Yes, the crochet dress...

Now how many times do I have to state: crochet dresses are useless. Just like Melanie Subono's singing career, they have no real value in existing. And should you decide to wear one, you have nowhere to go but to Planet Ugly.



See how bad you look? You look so trashy, you could probably win the part as the sidekick (aka. Lisa "Boom Boom" Santiago, the pole dancer with a heart of gold) in "Striptease 2: The Price Is Right", starring Lindsay Lohan (with special a special appearance by Demi Moore as Lindsay Lohan's mother).

Nia, there are plenty other dignified ways to show off some skin. And one of them is definitely not by wearing stuff that you scraped off from the bottom of a bin at Sally Marcellina's garage sale. Just give me a call and we could hang out together, sipping Double Lattes while I give you tips on fashion and on how to please a man without spreading your legs.

Love,
Neng Sarah.