Golden word

[Fere]

^
itu akal-akalan Kong Sur biar dapat simpati dari publik,
biar dapet dukungan buat kawin lagi

[surjadi05]

^
apaan nih, Kong ?
yg begituan gak usah diumbar ke publik

Sorry om, jatah thanks habis besok ya

---------- Post Merged at 08:03 PM ----------

^
itu akal-akalan Kong Sur biar dapat simpati dari publik,
biar dapet dukungan buat kawin lagi

Psst fer yg beginian yg jangan diumbar ke publik

[surjadi05]

Selingan siang ...


.
‎​Sepasang suami istri sedang tidur dgn nyenyaknya
Tiba tiba ....
Sang istri mengigau dgn suara keras :

"Mas ...Mas ...!, bangun mas...!, bangun mas...! Suamiku pulang ..."

Sang suami pun kaget dan dgn refleks loncat keluar lewat jendela..

😀iki sing salah sopo?😀😝😝

Moral of d story : hmmmm

[GiKu]

^
apaan nih, Kong ?
yg begituan gak usah diumbar ke publik

[surjadi05]

Intelligent Husband

Wife was busy, packing her clothes.
Husband - Where are you going ?
Wife - I'm moving to my mother.
Husband also starts packing his clothes.
Wife - Now where are you going ?
Husband - I'm also moving to my mother.
Wife - And what about the kids ?
Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother ... They should move to their mother.

Clothes unpacked.😉😄

☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀

Wife : "Why are u home so early?"
Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"
😆😋

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆

Doctor : How is ur headache?
Patient : She's out of town.
😄
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆

No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
(1) Mobile phone
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife

Because, there is always a
better model in neighborhood
😉

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆

Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.

It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!
😷
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆

Whisky is a brilliant invention.

One double and you start feeling single again.
😇

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆

It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that....

The slide show begins....
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:

All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen of them.

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆

Q - You know why women love shoes? 👠

Ans - Because no matter how much & whatever they eat , the shoes always fit.. 😜

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆

Q - Why can't Women Drive well? 🚗
Ans - Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them..
😁

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆

Q - Why can't Women stand a day in a Jungle? ⛺🎄

Ans - There are no Shopping Centers..
😉

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Q - How to save a Dying Woman?

Ans - Tell her about a 90% Sale going on somewhere..
😋

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Q - If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
Ans - Who Cares, just Enjoy that Day..
😂

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆

The woman who invented the phrase ...
"All men are the same"
was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.
😝

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

There are 3 kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened....
😜😜

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Wives are magicians........

They can change anything into an argument.
😆😜

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY?
A very INTELLIGENT man replied:
Women don't have a wife!
😜😜😆😜

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Send this to all men for a good laugh and to women who can handle it...
😃😄😀😛😜😝😉😎😍☺

[mbok jamu]

Wives are magicians.

[surjadi05]

No doubts in that

[surjadi05]

_(&#128373_

Globalisasi ...
a modern Urban Future life

~DARI PIZZA SMP PENJARA~


»Kejadian kalau e-KTP sudah berjalan secara efektif.

»Kalau e-KTP sudah berjalan secara efektif, mungkin akan begini kejadiannya :

◎) Rekaman percakapan telepon pemesanan pizza pada tahun 2020.

Operator : "Terima kasih anda telah menghubungi Pizza Hot. Ada yg bisa saya bantu ...?"

Konsumen : "Saya mau pesan pizza, Mbak..."

Operator : "Boleh minta Nomor KTP anda ?"

Konsumen : "6102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "Oke Pak ASeng, dari database kami, Bapak tinggal di*‪Jl. Merpati No 6, Tlp Rumah‬*‪021829256378‬, Tlp Kantor*‪021666535872673‬, dan nomor HP*‪0818763784022‬."

ASeng : "Betul Mbak...Apa saya bisa pesan Seafood Pizza ...?"

Operator : "Menurut kami, itu bukan ide yg bagus Pak. Dari medical record Bapak, Bapak punya tekanan darah tinggi dan kolestrol yg berlebihan. Mungkin saat ini Bapak bisa memesan Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza."

Konsumen : "Dari mana anda tahu kalo saya bakal suka itu ?"

Operator : "Hm... minggu lalu Bapak baru pinjam buku dengan judul "Popular Hokkien Dishes" di Perpustakaan Nasional.... !"

ASeng : "Oke terserah... sekalian saya pesan paket keluarga, jadi berapa semuanya ...?"

Operator : "Total semua Rp. 290.000,-"

ASeng : "Boleh saya bayar dengan Credit Card ...?"

Operator : "Bapak harus bayar cash, kartu kredit Bapak tampaknya sudah over limit dan Bapak masih punya utang di bank sebesar Rp.5.350.000,- sejak bulan Juni tahun lalu, itu belum termasuk denda tunggakan kredit mobil Bapak ... !"

ASeng : "Ya sudah kalo begitu, saya ke ATM dulu ambil uang sebelum tukang antar pizza datang."

Operator : "Dari data Bapak, sepertinya itu juga nggak bisa Pak. Record Bapak menunjukkan bahwa batas penarikan uang di ATM Bapak sudah habis untuk hari ini... ?!"

ASeng : "Busyet...! Sudahlah anterin aja pizzanya kesini, saya akan bayar cash disini, dan berapa lama pizza diantar sampai ke rumah ...?"

Operator : "Sekitar 45 menit Pak karena jalanan tampaknya sedang padat. Tapi kalo Bapak tidak mau menunggu, Bapak bisa mengambilnya sendiri dengan motor bebek tua Bapak..."

ASeng : "Waduuuuuh kurang ajar si Mbak menghina !"

Operator : "Di data terlihat Bapak memiliki motor bebek tahun 1985 dengan Nomor Polisi B-217-AN. Betul kan, Pak ...?"

ASeng : "Sialan... nggak sopan loe buka2 record gw, kamu blom pernah ngerasain ditonjok ya?"

Operator : "Oh hati2 dan jaga ucapan Bapak. Apa Bapak lupa pada 15 Mei 2015 Bapak pernah di bui 3 bulan karena mengucapkan kata2 kotor pada polisi ...?"

ASeng : "Lontong nih manusia !"

Operator : "Ada yg lain Pak?"

ASeng : "Kaga ada. Batalin aja pesanan gw ... !!!"

Begitulah jika e-KTP sudah diberlakukan seluruh negeri dan terintegrasi dengan semua pusat data.

Memangnya gampang hidup modern? *😀
Moral of d story mungkin uda saatnya belajar sedikit IT ::

[surjadi05]

Fight between husband and wife ......instead of resorting to shouting, abusing or physical force... they write poems to each other. .....

WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed..
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Husband :
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you!! 😝😝

[surjadi05]

Senyum sejenak menjelang jam maksi.....


Hidup Adalah Perjuangan..

Seseorang yg cadel ingin membeli nasi goreng yg mangkal di dekat rumahnya..

Hari ke 1 :
C: “Beli nasi goleng 1 ya, Bang?!”
A: “Apa…?” (Ngeledek)
C: “Nasi Goleng!”
A: “Apaan…?” (Ngeledek lg.)
C: “Nasi Goleng!!!”
A: “Ohh nasi goleng…”

Sambil ditertawakan oleh pembeli yg lain, ia memutuskan pulang dg perasaan sangat kesal & sesampainya di rumah ia bertekad utk berlatih mengucapkan “Nasi Goreng” dg baik & benar. Hingga akhirnya…
Hari 2:
Dg perasaan bangga, ia ingin menunjukkan bhw ia bs mengucapkan pesanan dg tdk cadel lg.
C: “Bang, saya mau beli NASI GORENG, bungkus!!!”
A: “Oke sip… Pake apa?”
C: “Pake telol…” Jwbnya sambil sedih.
Stlh Si Abang & pembeli lainnya menertawakan, ia kembali plg & berlatih mengucapkan kata “telor” sampai benar. Lalu…
Hari 3:
C: “Bang… beli NASI GORENG, pake TELOR!!! Bungkus!” (bernada mantap)
A: “Ceplok atau dadar?”
C: “Dadal…” ia menjawab dengan spontan.. Lalu kembali bersedih.
Mau tak mau, ia kembali pulang dan berlatih dengan keras. Kemudian…
Hari 4:
Bermodalkan 4 hari berlatih lidah, hari ini ia yakin mampu memesan nasi goreng tanpa ditertawakan.
C: “Bang… Beli NASI GORENG, pake TELOR, diDADAR, 1 bungkus!”
A: “Wuih, hebat kamu! Sdh tdk cadel lg nich! Oke harganya Rp.7500.”
Ia menyerahkan uang Rp.8000 kpd Si Abang.
Lama ditunggu si Abang tdk mengembalikan sisanya, hingga ia pun bertanya:
C: “Bang, kembaliannya, Bang?”
A: “Oh iya! Uang kamu Rp.8000, harganya Rp.7500. Jd, kembalinya brp?” (Senyum-senyum ngeledek)
Ia gugup jg utk menjawabnya. Keringat dingin pun menyembul seketika saat melafalkan “5 LATUS” dlm hatinya. Tp akhirnya secercah cahaya menerpa. Dg lantang ia menjwb, ”GOPEK, Bang!!!”
Usai menerima kembalian sebesar Rp.500, ia melenggang pulang dg senyum penuh kemenangan.
Molal of the stoly:
Hidup adalah peljuangan, beljuanglahlah telus dan jangan mudah ‘menyelah’! Sebab, selalu ada cala kalau diilingi dg doa dan usaha,

[surjadi05]

A little fun economics to lighten up yr day ....

Wife to her Accountant husband:
what is inflation?
Husband:
Earlier you were 36-24-36. But now you are
48-40-48.
Though you have everything bigger than before, your value has become less than before.
This is INFLATION .😜

Economics is not that difficult if we have the right examples.
Interviewer: What is Recession?
Candidate: When "Wine & Women" get replaced by "Water & Wife", that critical phase of life is called Recession!!😜

Accountancy fact:
What is the difference between Liability & Asset?
A drunk friend is liability.
But,
A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset.
😜😜😜😜😜

An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 wifes.
A- Monopoly should be broken.
B- Competition improves the quality of service.
If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!
If u have 2 wifes, They will fight for u!
Feel the difference & decide
Disclaimer:
Sender is not having any such experience and not responsible for any side effects..
-----------------------------------
When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.
-----------------------------------
Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don't know why..
alphabets get reversed..
-----------------------------------
Secret formula for married couples...
"Love One Another"
And if it doesn't work, bring the last word in the middle.!!!!
---------------------------------
Don't laugh alone pass it on !!🌌

[JOSERENTCAR]

game and wife that great

[surjadi05]

Hillary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know what she felt about him. Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:


370HSSV 0773H


Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Vanessa Trump and his children. Vanessa Trump and the children had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at FBI, CIA or NASA. They eventually asked Britain's MI6 for help. Within minutes, MI6 cabled this reply: "Tell Mr Trump that he is holding the message upside down."😀❤😊☯😂😅

Moral of d story :: well even a great biznizman became stupid when he become politician?

[Yuki]

turn the message to up

then flip horizontally

[surjadi05]

Wkkk nice one ::

[surjadi05]

Corporate joke

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost...

*She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below
_"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."_

*Man below replied
_"You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude."_

*Lady _"You must be an engineer."_

*Man _"How do you know?"_

*Lady _"Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost."_

*Engineer _"You must be in Top Management."_

*Lady _"Ya. How do you know?"_

*Engineer _"You don't know where you are or where you're going, you have no technical knowledge._
_You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!"_

😀😀😀😃😃😃😄😄😄

_*A must read n circulate for all working professionals...!!*_ 💕😂💕😀💕

Moral of d story :: sumtimes i feel my wife is a ceo of me

[surjadi05]

*Reminder*
Hari pertama sekolah. Pak Mentri perintah agar anak diantar orang tua di hari pertama sekolah........👍

Sampai sekolah ternyata hanya murid & orang tuanya saja, gurunya tdk ada yg hadir..........😂

Kepala sekolah bingung, guru2 yg tdk hadir ditelp satu persatu ditanya *kemana?*

Dan jawaban semua guru yg tdk hadir adalah sama .... *ngantar anaknya sekolah di hari pertama...............*


Moral of d story: err guru mesti jomblo?

[Yuki]

^
berarti kepala sekolahnya jomblo

untung penjaga pagar sekolahnya juga jomblo ya

[surjadi05]

^
berarti kepala sekolahnya jomblo

untung penjaga pagar sekolahnya juga jomblo ya

Hooh om, atau hampir expired karna anak2nya udah kuliah atau kerja

[surjadi05]

1. When your life is in darkness _Pray_ and ask to free you from darkness,..... if you are still in darkness .. please pay your _Electricity bill_.

2. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing;
either _the car is new_ or the _wife_.

3. What's the difference between stress, tension and panic ?
_Stress_ is when wife is pregnant,... _Tension_ is when girlfriend is pregnant.
_Panic_ is when _both are pregnant_.

4. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a _period_ ?
Kid: Yeah, _once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away_ ...

5. A young boy asks his dad : "What is the difference between _confident_ and _confidential_ ?
Dad says: _"You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential_. 😀

Laughter is the best medicine...
Ø A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman: “Which book has helped you most in your life ?”
The woman replied: _“My husband’s cheque book_ !!”

Ø A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’ ?" Sales Girl : “Sir, _Fiction and Comics_ are on the 1st floor!”.

Ø Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – _Darling, Honey, Luv_. What’s the secret ?
Old man : _I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her_.

Ø Wife : _I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day_.
Husband : _I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day_ !...

Moral of d storyy :: hmmm