Golden word

Did you write the last one, Kong? ::hihi::

^^^
Nope: i wish to add not change ::hihi::

Just for Laughs .... Dedicated to all ..... g😮😮d wife

🔴 Wife : "Shall I prepare Curry or Soup today?"
Husband : "First make it, we will name it later!"

🔴 A frustrated husband in front of his laptop : "Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife. Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting".

🔴 A married man's prayer : "Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away, You gave me youth, You took it away, You gave me a wife ... Its been years now, just reminding You".

🔴 Husband : "I found Aladdin's lamp today".
Wife : "Wow, what did u ask for darling??"
Husband : "I asked him to increase your brain ten times"
Wife : "Oh darling.. love u so much.. Did he do that??"
Husband : "He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero"

🔴 Employee : "Sir, you are like a lion in the office! What about at home ???"
Boss : "I am a lion at home too, but there I have a lion tamer"

🔴 A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said : "The food looks delicious, let's eat"
Wife : "Honey ... you say prayer before eating at home"
Husband : "That's at home sweetheart, here the chef knows how to cook".

🔴 Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt : "Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed".

*Minta kawin*

Anak : "Pak, aku mau diskusi sebentar...!"
Bapak : "Ada apa..?"
Anak : "Aku ingin nikah pak...!" 😭
Bapak : "Lho kamu kan belum kerja... kuliah blum selesai !"
Anak : "Kalo ada bini kan lebih semangat cari kerja ama kuliahnya, pak..!"
Bapak : "Ngawur aja kamu !!, bilang sono sama Ibumu, pasti dimarahi..!"

(Lantas si anak segera menuju ke dapur dg penuh harap)

Anak : "Bu... Aku udah engga konsen kuliah..
aku mau nikah aja lah Bu...!"
Ibu: "Apa.....???, 😬Anak enggak tau malu...!!
Belum kerja, sekolah ngga beres udah ingin nikah, anak macam apa kamu haah !?...Mau kasih makan apa bini mu ?. Udah sono jgn ganggu Ibu masak....!!
Macam2 aja..! 🙄

(Balik ke Bapaknya)

Bapak : "Kamu Udah bilang sama Ibu ?"
Anak : "Udah, pak...!"
Bapak : "Terus..?"
Anak : "Diomelin abis pak....!" 😓
Bapak : "Apa kata bapak juga... Lha wong bapak aja ngomong sama Ibumu minta kawin... dimaki & dihajar habis! Padahal bapak kuliah sudah selesai, kerja juga getol, rumah dua, mobil dua. Masih dimarahi. Apalagi kamu!😝😝😀😀😅😂


Moral of d story :: bini always rite ::hihi::

^

engkong banget
::hihi::

::ngakak2::

Lama2 gw ngerasa om giku mirip kasino, sering cuma nyeletuk tapi kena nanget ::hihi::

Humor dulu....

In a Nursery School Canteen, a basket of apples with a notice written over it:

"Do not take more than one, God is watching"

On the other counter there's a box of chocolates. A small child went & wrote on it.
"Take as many as you want, God is busy watching the apples".

Moral: NEVER ACT SMART with today's generation..!!.

-------------------------

KID: "Why some of your hair are white Dad?"
DAD: "Every time you make me unhappy, one of my hair turns white ….."
KID: "Now understand why grandpa’s hairs are all white….."

Moral: Don’t be over smart ..

*************************
Child : "Mummy why Gandhi has no hair on his head?"
Mummy: "Because he speak only truth."
Child: "Now I understood why ladies have long hair...."

_______________________________
TEACHER: Bunyau, go to the map and find North America .
Bunyau: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Bunyau.
_______________________________
TEACHER: Mujab, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
MUJAB: You told me to do it without using the tables.
_______________________________
TEACHER: Jedun,, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
Jedun : K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
Jedun : Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
_______________________________
TEACHER: Bunyau, what is the chemical formula for water?
Bunyau : H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
Bunyau : Yesterday you said it's H to O.
_______________________________
TEACHER: Jegit , name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Jegit : Me !
_______________________________
TEACHER: Jugau , why do you always get so dirty?
Jugau : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________
TEACHER: Bunyau, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
BUNYAU: I is...
TEACHER: No, Bunyau...... always say, 'I am.'
BUNYAU: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet'
_______________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Sundun, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
SUNDUN: Because George still had the axe in his hand......
_______________________________
TEACHER: Now, Jegit , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
JEGIT: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Mujab, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
MUJAB : No sir, It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
____________________________
TEACHER: Bunyau, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Bunyau : Teacher

Moral of d story :student ::doh::

nama muridnya aneh-aneh

International school om ::hihi::

International school level asia maksudnya ::hihi::

Hooh om ::hihi::

*_ISTRI CEREWET_*

Alkisah terdapat sepasang suami-istri 👫
Sang suami yang penyabar, sedangkan sang istri bertabiat ketus, suka marah; cerewet...
Karena tidak tahan, suatu pagi sang suami mendorong istrinya ke sumur yang tidak begitu dalam.

Siang hari, suami berkata dalam hati..."enaknya gak ada yang marah2" 😂😂😂

Sorenya...si suami masih menikmati ketenangan suasana😄😄😄

Saat malam tiba...si suami mulai gelisah...
lalu memutuskan untuk mengeluarkan istrinya dari dalam sumur😩😩😩

Setelah melemparkan tali, si suami berkata:
"Istriku, maafkan aku. Aku khilaf. Kita ini saling melengkapi. Keluarlah sayang. Aku kangen".

Tali pun bergerak perlahan, tiba2 dari bibir sumur muncullah sesosok hantu berwujud orang tua dengan jenggot; rambut putih yang panjang menakutkan...

Suami : Siapa kamu?? 😱
Hantu : Aku hantu penunggu sumur !! 👻
Suami : Mana istriku?...aku rindu padanya...kau apakan dia??!!
Hantu : Istrimu baik2 saja di dalam...
Suami : Lalu kenapa kau yang muncul dari dalam sumur ini??
Hantu : *Aku mau keluar saja, Aku pun tidak tahan dengar omelan istrimu...*
😀😀😀😀😀😜😜😜😜

💃​​💃​​💃​​

Pesan Moral.. *Milikilah istri yang cerewet agar rumah anda bebas dari HANTU.*
Met siang semua....😀😀😀😀

🙏🏻😍😇😘🙂🤣😂
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Ching Ming joke:
THE DISCUSSION BETWEEN TWO GHOSTS
_ _________________,
Ghost 1: Hey
Ghost 2: Hey
Ghost 1: How did you die??
Ghost 2: I was mistakenly locked up in a refrigerator. At first, i was chilling, then, i started freezing, and then, i couldn't breathe again... i died of suffocation.
Ghost 1: Wow.... what a sad way to die.
Ghost 2: Yeah. How did u die?
Ghost 1: I died of heart attack.
Ghost 2: What happened?
Ghost 1: My wife cheated on me. i came back home and saw a man's pair of shoes. then, i rushed to the bedroom and met only my wife there. She was naked. i knew there was a man in the house coz my neighbor told me. and the man was still in the house as my wife was undressed and scared. so, i started running and searching the whole house. i searched in the kid's room, kitchen, toilet, bathroom, wardrobe and dinning. i couldn't find him and i was very tired of running, so i got a heart attack.
Ghost 2: IDIOT!!!! If u would have checked the refrigerator we would have been both alive by now!!! 😜😜😜😂😂😂

Moral of d story rajin2 olahraga eh, oh ::ungg::
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Moral of the story: kalo mau masuk kulkas jangan lupa pake jaket

Ayo Jadi Suami yg Romantis..

*Bpk* : "bu,, jangan terlalu lama duduk di kursi itu, pindah sini dekat bpk aja…"
*Ibu* : "loh, kenapa pak?"
*Bpk* : "takut dikerubungi semut,, soalnya ibu manis sih…" (ciyeee) ☺

*Bpk* : "Bu,, orang tua ibu dulu pengrajin bantal ya?"
*Ibu* : "Hah…?! Bukan, kan bpk tahu pensiunan PNS, kenapa pak…? "
*Bpk* : "Kok kalo deket ibu rasanya selalu ingin tidur…"
(suit.. Suiiit...) 😃

*Bpk* : "Ibu itu seperti sendok…"
*Ibu* : "Kenapa…?"
*Bpk* : "Karena ibu terus mengaduk-aduk perasaan bpk.."
(yiihaaaa) 😃

*Bpk* : "Maaf ya bu, belakangan ini tangan bpk agak kasar…"
*Ibu* : "Ahh,, gpp kookk,, emangnya kenapa?"
*Bpk* : "Soalnya tiap hari bpk jadi kuli…"
*Ibu* : "Yang bener pak, dimana…?"
*Bpk* : "Di hati kamu say, bpk sedang buatin istana cinta buat kita berdua…"
(olalaaa....)😃

*Bpk* : "Kenapa kita cuma bisa ngeliat pelangi setengah doang…?"
*Ibu* : "Ga tau, emang kenapa pak..?"
*Bpk* : "Soalnya setengahnya lagi ada di mata ibu…!"
(prikitiuuw..) 😃

*Bpk* : "Boleh pinjem flashdisknya bu…?"
*Ibu* : "Boleh, mau buat apa pak…?"
*Bpk* : "Buat transfer hatiku ke hatimu..."
(wkwkwk) 😃

*Ibu* : "Lho pak.. mau kemana?
*Bpk* : "Cari ibu lagi.."
*Ibu* : "Lho kok...???"
*Bpk* : "Lha satu aja bahagianya begini, apalagi dua...???

(Gubraak.....!!!😛😛)
Dilempar tabung gas 3 kg......🤦


Moral of d story : errrr ::ungg::
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After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you
Husband: What’s up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid !

Husband: Well you don’t remember, do you??
When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped.
Then you said:- Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.
So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there. !!!!!!
😂😂😂😂
Moral: Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him !!!!!😍💕👌😂😀
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*3 Fucking Laws of Management - If you learn them, no one can beat you in Corporate Management, but unfortunately even Harvard Business School does not teach them...*

1. *Fucking Law of Delivery Time -* No matter how hard and fast you ****, the child comes after 9 months.
*Moral -* Pressurizing does not alter delivery period.

2. *Fucking Law of Direction -* Even though both holes are nearby, if by a wrong shot, you enter the wrong hole, no matter how hard you ****, you never get a child.
*Moral -* Right direction is very important to get the results, even few centimeters away from right direction, even if it gives satisfaction, cannot lead to results.

3. *Fucking Law of Human Resources -* By appointing 4 men to **** 1 woman, you cannot get 4 children, but if you appoint one man and 4 women, you can get 4 children.
*Moral -* Appoint the right person at the right position. Otherwise you would keep on wondering, why you are not getting the results even after appointing more men.

*Forward to all Hard working employees.*😍💕👌😂😊😄
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- - - Updated - - -

*3 Fucking Laws of Management - If you learn them, no one can beat you in Corporate Management, but unfortunately even Harvard Business School does not teach them...*

1. *Fucking Law of Delivery Time -* No matter how hard and fast you ****, the child comes after 9 months.
*Moral -* Pressurizing does not alter delivery period.

2. *Fucking Law of Direction -* Even though both holes are nearby, if by a wrong shot, you enter the wrong hole, no matter how hard you ****, you never get a child.
*Moral -* Right direction is very important to get the results, even few centimeters away from right direction, even if it gives satisfaction, cannot lead to results.

3. *Fucking Law of Human Resources -* By appointing 4 men to **** 1 woman, you cannot get 4 children, but if you appoint one man and 4 women, you can get 4 children.
*Moral -* Appoint the right person at the right position. Otherwise you would keep on wondering, why you are not getting the results even after appointing more men.

*Forward to all Hard working employees.*😍💕👌😂😊😄
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Mana yang lebih simple

Inggris : wait a minute
Indo : Tunggu sebentar
Jawa : Sik

Inggris : like to following someone
Indo : suka mengikuti seseorang
Jawa : Ngintilan

Inggris : They're living together but didn't married
Indo : Tinggal bersama tapi tidak menikah
Jawa : Kumpul kebo

Inggris : I want to sleep
Indo : Saya mau tidur
Jawa : Micek

Inggris : you talk to much
Indo : Kamu banyak berbicara
Jawa : crigis

Inggris : I don't want it
Indo : aku tidak mau itu
Jawa : moh

Inggris : Flying so fast
Indo : Terbang sangat cepat
Jawa : Mabur

Inggris : What happened?
Indo : Apa yang terjadi?
Jawa : ono opo ?

Inggris : I dont have money
Indo : Aku tidak punya uang
Jawa : Kere

Inggris : i don't care
Indo : aku tidak peduli
Jawa : Prett

Inggris : Salad with peanut sauce and red rice
Indo : sayur dengan sambal kacang dan nasi merah
Jawa : Pecel

😎😎😎👌😍💕😂
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^
itu sih bukan golden word

Hooh om, surjadi teguh nya lagi blenger, jadi yg muncul surjadi gilanya ::hihi::
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bahasa inggris: honey bear
bahasa indonesia: beruang madu
bahasa sunda: ontohod

Beruang madu bahasa inggrisnya bukan yogi bear yah om ::ungg::
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Yah itu english asal ceplak ::hihi::

::ngakak2::
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Sepasang suami istri yang sulit punya anak akhirnya memutuskan untuk menggunakan pendonor sperma.

Di hari H, suami berkata, "Sayang, dia datang sebentar lagi, jadi tunggu aja. Aku pergi dulu.."

"Baik Pa, aku tunggu di teras saja yah..", sahut istri harap2 cemas.

Tak lama berselang, datang seorang fotografer bayi yang kebetulan lewat mencoba untuk menawarkan jasa fotografi.

Fotografer: "Pagi, Mbak! Saya datang untuk.....

"Oh, langsung saja, Mas. Saya sudah menunggu Mas," potong istri.

Fotografer: "Benarkah? Wah, spesialis saya adalah bayi."

"Ya, itu yang kami butuhkan..."

Melihat si fotografer sedang mengambil sesuatu, istri bertanya dengan malu2, "Kita mulai dari mana ya?"

Fotografer: "Serahkan pada saya, Mbak. Saya ahlinya. Saya akan mulai 2x di bathtub, 3x di sofa & 5x di kasur. Di ruang keluarga asyik juga, bisa benar2 leluasa!"

"Bathtub, sofa? sampai berkali kali, Mas??? Pantas saya & suami selalu gagal"

Fotografer: "Ya, Mbak, tidak ada yang bisa menjamin kesempurnaan. Tapi, kalau kita coba banyak posisi yang berbeda2 & menembak 6 sampai 7 sudut yang berbeda, saya yakin Mbak akan puas sekali"

"Hah! Banyak sekali..," teriak istri.

Fotografer: "Saya harus gunakan waktu semaksimal mungkin, Mbak. Sebenarnya bisa saja hanya 5 menit, tapi takutnya Mbak akan kecewa.."

"Baiklah..." kata istri.

Fotografer mengeluarkan album foto2 bayi, hasil jepretannya. "Ini dilakukan di atas bus!"

"Apaaa!? Diatas bus???"

Fotografer: "Iya, Mbak. Bayi kembar itu termasuk sangat bagus, mengingat Ibunya yg sangat sulit"

"Sulit?" tanya istri mulai bingung & takut.

Fotografer: "Yup, akhirnya harus ke taman untuk memuaskanya. Banyak yang melihat & menonton..."

"Ada yang melihat & menonton?" tanya istri sangat kaget.

Fotografer: "Iya, Mbak. 3 jam lebih. Ibu itu berteriak2. Sangat sulit bagi saya untuk konsentrasi. Sekarang kalau Mbak sudah siap, saya akan pasang tripod"

"Tripod??? Untuk apa???"

Fotografer: "Iya, saya harus gunakan tripod untuk menopang 'Alat' saya, terlalu berat kalo lama2. Mbak........!! Mbak.........Mbak....!!! Lho kok malah pingsan sih???"
😂😂😂😂




👆Pesan moral : kalau lawan bicara belum selesai ngomong jangan dipotong dulu ....👌😄😍😇👌💕😂😀
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Quote:

---

Lik Nov....

Lik Nov..kulo tak meguru njenengan
Njenengan niku riyadohe nopo?
Kok njenengan niku dicekel mrucut.
Bola-bali dicekel kok mrucut mawon
Njenengan hebat lik Nov.

Lik Nov...guru njenengan niku sinten?
Kok jan...sakti temen...
Gedrug njenengan ping pinten?
Dongane nopo?

Lik Nov....opo iki sing jenenge ngelmu welut putih?
utowo jarene uwong welut ireng gupak oli?
Mpun....estum..nopo mawon ilmunipun
Ingkang teges...njenengan sakti

Lik Nov....sakite njenengan nopo estu?
Nopo niku minongko ritual gedruk?
Nopo minongko Ritual donga?

Lik Nov....sinten mawon sing nyepeng njenengan kok aber
Mboten ndayani kabeh.
Niku dongane nopo? Nopo amargi njenengan kagungan jas kuning?
Nopo nggih njenengan tunggal guru, tunggal ilmu kalih poro culikaning negari?

---

jgn tanya ini bhs apa, lalu translate indonya gmn ? tanya sama [MENTION=6]etca[/MENTION] aja, krn doi spesialis bhs macem gini ::ngakak2::

- - - Updated - - -

Lik Nov sudah sehat
Alhamdulillah...senin sudah pulang
Kateternya sudah bisa dilepas
Sudah bisa berjalan bebas

Tolong para perawat....
Jangan dikasih obat kimia lagi
Dikasih saja ramuan jamu
Kemangi dan Adas Pulowaras

Itu fungsinya sangat bagus dan natural
Biar namanya kembali mewangi
Dan badannya jadi sehat lagi
Karena sudah waras...

Nggak usah dipapah lagi
Nggak usah digendong juga
Kan sudah lama dia biasa disebut papah
Lagian beliau bukanlah bayi ompong

Siapkan musik dan tetabuhan
Karena besuk besuk akan ada orang
menari dan menyanyi bak kesurupan
Mengumpat seenaknya lontaran

Jangan diminta omong dulu
Jangan diajak jalan jauh dulu
Biar penyesuaian suhu dulu
Beliau pengalaman dijerat dari dulu

Lik Nov kondur...alhamdulillah
Jalannya mundur tidak masalah
Yg penting tampak luhur dan tak bernasalah

terimakasih tongfang~

::hihi::

Sang ibu siuman kembali

Fotografer: syukurlah ibu siuman kembali, sebenarnya saya belum selesai ngomong

Ibu: memangnya ada apalagi?

Fotografer: ini sebenarnya tripod punya saya tidak pantas disebut tripod, karena alat punya saya luar biasa beratnya, jadi tripod saya itu sebenarnya kakinya ada dua belas!!

Sang ibu pingsan kembali

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yuki

Sang ibu siuman kembali

Fotografer: syukurlah ibu siuman kembali, sebenarnya saya belum selesai ngomong

Ibu: memangnya ada apalagi?

Fotografer: ini sebenarnya tripod punya saya tidak pantas disebut tripod, karena alat punya saya luar biasa beratnya, jadi tripod saya itu sebenarnya kakinya ada dua belas!!

Sang ibu pingsan kembali

---

cerita ini terlalu panjang
kenapa gak langsung dikokang saja

Kan udah dibilang fotografernya "bisa aja sebentar tapi takut ibunya kecewa om" ::ungg::
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